I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
