Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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