She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
