You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
