I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
