I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize