Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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