you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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