I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
