i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize