You can't motorboat a personality
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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