My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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