i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
