I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
