marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
