Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
