I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
