I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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