I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
