don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
