ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
