Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
