i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
