Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my liver is dry heaving
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
