Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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