i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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