Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am one with the molecules
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
