I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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