i need an iv and a liver transplant
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This baby is an asshole
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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