So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
