I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
