That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
