All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Randomize
