I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize