Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
