I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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