Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
