I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
