Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my poor anus
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
