Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
