it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize