I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
