I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The air was thick with penises
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
