She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
