True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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