Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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