hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
