dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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