So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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