AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
