I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize