i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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