"it" just moved
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
