Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
