I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
