dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
