Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
