I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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