Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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