I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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