His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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