Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
