We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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