i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize