I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
