Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
