I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
