Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
