the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
