Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
