My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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