this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
