if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
