Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she told me i tasted like america
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
