would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
