I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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