he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
