So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
