Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
