My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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