we have officially lost it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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