so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
