So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize