Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
