I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
