Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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