I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
