***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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